Innocence of Youth
by Hexe
Summary: Spike is accidentally turned into a four-year- old terror.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Characters off BtVS belong to Joss Whedon etc. This challenge belongs to Pyro, this is just my response to it.  
  
Authors note: This is a reply to a challenge posted on the "Chocolate covered Strawberries" site by Pyro.   
  
CHAPTER 1 "Um, Buff?" Willow called frantically. She was in big trouble. Something really bad had happened. Buffy was going to kill her. This was bad. Incredibly bad.   
  
Buffy poked her head in the door. "Yeah Will, what's up?" she asked. Then her eyes fell on the other person in the room.   
  
"Is that Spike?" She asked incredulously.   
  
Willow nodded miserably. "I'm afraid so" she admitted. "It was an accident, I swear!"   
  
"What did you do to him?" Buffy asked. Spike was pint sized. A kid. A very small kid.   
  
"Nothing" Willow insisted. "I just told him he was being a kid. And then he just... became a kid."  
  
"Well change him back" Buffy told her friend.   
  
"That's the problem," Willow said frowning in frustration. "I don't know how I did it, so I cant really reverse it"   
  
The little Spike ran over Buffy and bit her on the leg. "Grrrr" he said. "I'm a vampire. And I don't like you, so I'm gonna eat you up."   
  
"Owww!" Buffy said plaintively. "That hurt Spike!" she turned to Willow. "Can't you control him or something?"   
  
"Spike!" Willow exclaimed, obviously trying not to giggle. "It's not nice to bite people."   
  
The small child nodded. "Yep. But it's fun" he pointed out.   
  
"And since when do vamps eat people?" Buffy asked. "I know they suck blood, but I thought it was Werewolves that went in for the eating"   
  
Willow rolled her eyes. "Buff, he's a little kid," she said. "He probably doesn't even know the difference."   
  
"Do too!" the little Spike insisted. "A Vampy looks human and a wolfy is all furry. So there, I do know the difference"   
  
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Obnoxious little thing, isn't he?" she said to Willow.   
  
"Not 'noxious, I'm smart" Spike told her.   
  
"Oh, shut up William" Buffy told him, hoping that the usage of his human name would have some effect.  
  
It did, but not a positive one. "I'm not William!" Spike yelled jumping up and down. "I'm Spike. William's a poof name!"   
  
Willow raised an eyebrow. Since when had the word poof been used when Spike was human? Perhaps he'd just been turned into a little vampire, not really turned back to when he had been a true child just... de-aged somehow?  
  
"Spike, how old are you?" she asked him.  
  
"Four" Spike replied.   
  
"And do you know what year it is?" Willow questioned.  
  
"2003 of course" Spike told her, looking as if she had asked him what colour the sky was, "I'm not dumb."  
  
"Oh, I never meant you were" she assured him. "I was just checking"   
  
Buffy looked at Willow. "So, he's not exactly young Spike, he's just our Spike younger?" she queried.   
  
"Seems that way." Willow agreed. "But I don't know if that's good or not. If I'm right, it means we have a four- year- old vampire on our hands. And I don't know if he has his soul. I would hope so, if he's simply been made younger."  
  
"A four- year old vampire?" Buffy said incredulously. "Surely that couldn't be possible? What vamp would bother to turn a little kid? Well, except possibly Drusilla, she might be crazy enough."   
  
Willow rolled her eyes. Obviously, Buffy hadn't really grasped the situation. "Buffy, magick did this, no one turned him. The normal situations don't count in this case." She winced at the last part. That had been such a Giles-esque moment.   
  
"I have cookie?" Spike requested.   
  
"Vampires don't eat cookies Spike" Willow told him distractedly "they drink blood"   
  
Spike made a face. "Blood's icky," he complained. "Rather have a cookie"   
  
"Go look downstairs" Buffy told him. "Somebody down there will probably get you one."  
  
The tiny blond child ran happily downstairs, leaving Willow and Buffy to talk.   
  
"So, he knows who we are and everything?" Buffy asked. Spike hadn't seemed at all confused that she knew him, while he didn't know her. So she figured that meant he probably did know her. And obviously, didn't like her.   
  
"Well, he knew me, and he still insists on calling me Red" Willow told her, "So, he's got his memories, or at least some of them. Because he sure didn't know us when he was four for real."   
  
"Yeah, because that was like a century before we were even born" Buffy agreed. "If he had known us then, it would have been... scary, to say the least."   
  
Something occurred to Buffy. "Hang on, is anyone going to know what's going on? Are they going to think some strange kid has wandered into our house?"   
  
"Well, you recognised him" Willow pointed out.   
  
Buffy shrugged. "Yeah, but I knew that you were up here with Spike, so I figured it out from that. The others won't have that advantage."  
  
Suddenly a rather loud, rather unusual clanking noise came from downstairs. Specifically, from around where the kitchen was.   
  
Willow shared a glance with Buffy. "Pots?" she asked. "Is someone cooking?"   
  
Buffy shook her head. "Nuh unh, not in this house. But we have one four- year- old vampire down there, no-one calling up for us, and a lot of banging. To me, that equals no supervision for Spike."  
  
"You mean he's down there alone?" Willow demanded. "Four year old plus kitchen equals disaster you know!"   
  
Buffy swore. "Mom's dishes and stuff are down there. We've gotta stop him before he breaks something."  
  
Willow uncurled from her seated position and followed her best friend down the stairs, hoping that Spike hadn't broken anything yet. If he had, it was on her head, since she'd be the one to turn him into a child.   
  
"Spike!" She yelled as soon as she reached the kitchen. The small boy was standing on the kitchen benches, one of Joyce's precious plates in his hands.   
  
"Okay" he agreed happily, and let go...  
  
Authors note: Okay guys, what do you think? I'll definitely update if I get five review. Otherwise, if depends on if I have any great wish to continue. And yes, I am aware of the fact it's short, but this is as long as I can write if I wanna post tonight, which I do. Anyway, once again, please review. 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Joss Whedon, etc.   
  
Authors note: Okay, I actually wasn't expecting so many of you to like this, but hey, not gonna complain about reviews. Anyway, here's your second chapter as promised. Sorry it took so long guys, life interfered, as did writers block. Takes up from right after the first, of course. With that ending where else would it start?  
  
CHAPTER 2  
  
"Spike, No!" Willow yelled, almost screaming. But it was too late. The boy had already let go of the plate and it was plummeting towards the floor.   
  
Buffy winced. Her mom's plate! She dived towards the bench, reaching it milliseconds after the plate had passed the bench top and was continuing on its path to the floor. She threw her arms out in a desperate attempt to catch the plate. But it fell just out of her grasp.  
  
Willow stared at the plate. She wasn't supposed to use magick if she didn't need to, but this was a special situation. Buffy would kill her if that plate hit the floor. And the death would probably be slow and painful. She focussed and floated the plate, using just a smidgeon of power. She didn't want to go deep enough that she touched the darkness, and a simple levitation spell shouldn't take that much of her energy.   
  
Buffy heaved a sigh of relief. Of course, she had forgotten that her friend could do that. It was useful having a powerful Wiccan around at times. Even if it was a Wiccan who was trying to control her power use.   
  
She fixed the mini- Spike with a glare. "Get down" she said, doing her best to sound stern. She had to admit, even to herself, that it wasn't very good. She just wasn't very good at the 'stern adult' voice. She hadn't had much practice.   
  
Spike scowled at her. "Shan't," he said. "Don't like you, Slayer. You kill vampires."  
  
"Yes I kill vampires, 'cause they're evil," Buffy told him, glaring right back. "It's my job, you know that."   
  
Willow could see that this argument wasn't going to get Spike off the bench. He and Buffy were both stubborn, and this argument could probably continue for ages. She sighed, and floated the plate safely to a place out of Spike's reach.   
  
"Spike, will you please come down from there?" she requested, as nicely as she could manage.   
  
The little boy smiled sweetly at her. "Okay" he said, and jumped off, landing in a crouch on the floor. Willow couldn't help smiling down at him. He was just so cute.   
  
"Spike, I don't want you climbing up there again, okay?" she said firmly. She didn't seriously expect him to listen, after all, he never did in his normal form, but she had to try at least. It was what you did to little kids right? Tell them when they shouldn't do stuff? Or was that puppies?   
  
Spike pouted "But it's fun," he told her.   
  
She held her serious tone. "It may be fun Spike, but it's dangerous" she pointed out, "you could fall, and hurt yourself or something."   
  
"I not get hurt," Spike said confidently, "I'm a Vampy. We're strong and stuff."   
  
Willow bit her lip. He had a point there. Did child vampires have the same abilities as adults? Were there any child vampires in the first place? Would anyone ever be cruel, or sick enough to turn a child? It seemed a horrible thought to her.   
  
She raised her eyebrows at him. She just hoped she was doing it in the 'I'm the grown-up, what did I just tell you' way, and not the 'what am I supposed to do here' way.   
  
A brief sulky frown passed over Spike's face, but it was soon replaced by a hopeful look, accompanied by puppy dog eyes.   
  
"Can I have a cookie now?" Spike asked, looking up at Willow.   
  
Willow had to smile at his instantaneous change of topic. That was one ability that seemed to be lost in those over the age of around seven.   
  
"Do you really think you deserve one after dropping Buffy's plate like that?" she asked him. She suddenly realised that she was answering his question with another, one thing she had really hated when she was little. She had wanted straight answers from people.   
  
Spike pouted at her again "You wanted me to put it down!" he pointed out. "You never said not to drop it!"   
  
She had to say he had a point there. She hadn't.   
  
Spike let out a huge yawn, trying to cover it up with his hand. He didn't want Willow to know he was tired. Grown-ups made you take naps when you yawned, and naps were boring.   
  
But as with all adults in need of an excuse for giving a child sugar, Willow was quick to hone in on the yawn.   
  
"You can have a cookie," she said "but only after you take a nap, okay?"   
  
Compromise. That should work. That way she had time to get used to the thought of a little Spike, while he slept, and when he woke up he'd be happy because he'd got what he wanted.   
  
Spike frowned, considering. "What if I no take nap?" he asked, wanting all the options made clear before he decided.   
  
"No nap, no cookie" Willow told him firmly. She was surprised at herself. She was actually pretty good at this. Perhaps she'd missed her calling as a babysitter?  
  
"Kay, I take nap, then I have cookie" Spike said.   
  
"Good choice" Willow said, smiling down at him, "Come on, you can have my bed, okay?"   
  
"Okay" Spike agreed.   
  
He reached up his arms to Willow, and she realised just how tired he must be. He seemed to be an independent creature, even at this age. She reached down and scooped him up, and he nestled his head against her shoulder happily.   
  
Buffy smiled at the sight they made. She had never thought to see Spike cuddle Willow; that was for sure. The little guy was a lot sweeter than in his normal form. Maybe they'd be better off keeping him this way!  
  
Buffy grinned. She could just imagine the reaction she'd get if she said anything of that sort to Willow. She would be horrified, until she realised Buffy was joking. It would probably be rather funny really.   
  
Willow carried Spike upstairs and settled him in her bed, then returned downstairs to confer with Buffy.  
  
"What are we going to do about him?" Willow asked her friend. "We can't leave him like this for long, he'd kill us when we turned him back!"   
  
Buffy had to agree with that. Spike would not exactly be happy to discover he'd spent time as a four-year-old. Well, if he didn't remember when they got him back, that was. And then of course there was the possibility that he would remember.   
  
"And what are we supposed to tell the others about him?" Willow continued, oblivious to the fact that Buff wasn't really listening.   
  
How was everyone going to react to Spike suddenly being four-years old, and a lot less capable of looking after himself than normal. They just didn't have the resources to look after a kid and fight the forces of darkness at the same time.   
  
How on earth were they going to manage until they could turn him back?   
  
Authors note: okay! I finally managed to wrap this chapter up; I was starting to think I was going to have to make it longer than I want the chapters in the fic to be. I find it easier to write shorter chapters with kid-fics, so I hope no-one objects. Anyway, as normal, please review with constructive criticism, comments, or just to say what you think about it :) I'll try to get the next chapter written quicker, really. And as before, I generally write chapters as I get demand for them, so if I don't get much response my other fics my end up taking priority. 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: All characters are the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. The idea of turning Spike into a child came from a challenge issued by Pryo, located on the Chocolate Covered Strawberries site.  
  
Authors note: Yes, I am fully aware of how long it's been since I updated this, and I'm sorry bout that. Unfortunately, my life is a little hectic at the moment and I haven't been having much chance to write :o(. I really want to update more often, believe me, but with all the stories I have on the go at one time, it's hard to get around to all of them with anything resembling regularity.

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CHAPTER 3  
"Want my cookie now," Spike told Willow, toddling into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes with his fists. He was still sleepy, but cookie was way more important than a silly nap. He was a big boy. He didn't really need naps. But cookies were real important. They were yummy. "I had nap, so now I get cookie. Yup?"  
  
Willow awoke abruptly from the trance she had entered to meditate. What was Spike doing up already? Weren't kids supposed to nap until you went and woke them up? Or at least start crying to warn you they were awake? Spike had obviously decided nap- time was over and come down in search of the promised treat. But it really was rather earlier than she had expected.  
  
Plus, she couldn't give him a cookie yet. They had discovered, when they launched a search for the biscuits ready for when Spike woke up, that the jar where the cookies were generally kept was in fact empty. It was rather obvious that someone had eaten the last of them and not put them on the grocery list. Both she and Buffy were fully aware that to not provide the promised treat to Spike would no doubt be a bad idea.  
  
It would probably be a really good way to invite a very unwanted temper tantrum. And they really weren't the best people to handle that. The majority of their experience with kids came from Dawn, and she had been more or less beyond the age of tantrum throwing for years. So Buffy had gone off to the store, to buy a new supply of cookies.  
  
They had expected her to be back well before Spike had awoken, yet it seemed that simply was not the case. So now there was a little problem. "Yep Spike," she said cheerfully, "You can have your cookie in just a little while, okay? You just have to wait a little bit longer"  
  
Spike's face took on a decisively grumpy look, and his bottom lip started to tremble in a way that, even as inexperienced with kids as she was, Willow could tell was probably a lead up to a tantrum. "You promised!" he told her, "You said I have cookie when I wake up! Want it now!! Don't wanna wait!"  
  
Willow crouched down to Spike and looked him in the eye. "I know I did sweetie," she said, trying to make her tone soothing, "but Buffy had to go to the store and buy you some. We didn't have any left. You can have one just as soon as she gets back."  
  
Spike's expression cleared a little, and he pouted up and Willow, "She come soon?" he asked. As long as he was going to get his cookie soon, he guessed it didn't matter too much if he had to wait a bit longer. Maybe he could get two cookies for being good.  
  
Willow nodded, relieved that disaster was once again averted. For the moment, anyway. Looking after a little kid was obviously harder than it'd always looked to her. "Yep, she should be back real soon," she affirmed, smiling at him. "And then you can have your cookie."  
  
He smiled up at her. "'Kay," he said, mollified. "You want a drink while we wait for Buffy?" she asked him. He nodded eagerly. He was real thirsty. "Yup, I have blood, please?" he said to her.  
  
Willow started. Right. She'd kinda forgotten about the whole 'mini-vamp' thing. She really should test that out. She wasn't entirely sure how to, she couldn't exactly stick him out in the sun and see if he burned up. Well, technically she could... but it didn't seem very nice.  
  
"Alrighty then." She told him, "let's go see if we've got any in the fridge." She was pretty sure there was some in there; they tended to keep a supply of it around for Spike-big Spike- lately. Hopefully the supply hadn't dwindled.  
  
She was in luck. There were a few bags. But she suspected a visit to the butchers was in order. This few bags wasn't going to last a hungry little vampire very long. They certainly never lasted a hungry adult vamp.  
  
She poured the contents of a bag into a mug. "You want it warm?" she asked. He nodded. "Course. Cold blood all icky!" Spike didn't even know why she'd bothered to ask him. Of course he wanted it warm. Everyone knew that cold blood didn't taste good, didn't they? That was why it came nice and warm when it was fresh. Animals were smart, even if grown-ups weren't.  
  
Willow realised she really had no idea how to heat up blood. Presumably, Buffy did it in the microwave, but she had no idea on the temperature or the time. Plus, she'd heard somewhere that babies shouldn't have their milk too hot or they'd get burned. Did the same go for toddler Vampires and their blood? Now that was a question she'd like to ask an expert, just to see what the response was.  
  
She took a guess and yapped it for 30 seconds. If it wasn't hot enough, she could always stick it back in again. That was a hell of a lot easier than overheating it and having to start over again from scratch. Surely it couldn't overheat and ruin in that short a length of time?  
  
Still, she couldn't help a slight sigh of relief when she removed the mug from the microwave and got a nod of approval from Spike once he'd tested it.  
  
The mug however, turned out to be a rather bad idea. Everything started out just fine. But Willow discovered rather quickly that small children and 'grown up' mugs didn't mix so well. The fact that Spike managed to pour about half of it down his front before he finished was a bit of an indicator of that. "Oopsy," Spike said, looking contrite. "Red, I all messy now!"  
  
Willow couldn't help smiling at that. He certainly was in rather a messy state. As she knew from experience, blood and clothing just didn't mix. And Spike had managed to get himself covered in an awful lot of the stuff. She supposed she was going to have to get him cleaned up...somehow. But how did one go about getting a four-year-old vampire de-bloodied? She supposed a bath, but bathing Spike just seemed...icky. Even if he was a little kid at the moment. But she was reasonably sure that letting a small child loose on a bathroom on their own was a much, much worse idea.  
  
Luckily, she was saved right one cue. Willow didn't think she'd ever been so relieved to see her best friend. Although Buffy did have a knack for coming just at the opportune moment, just before one was about to be sacrificed and such, she had outdone herself this time. "Thank God!" She exclaimed. "Just in time Buff. Spike needs a bath!"

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Authors note: Review if you like. Feel free to tell me to update more often. Maybe if enough people go on at me I might get around to updating this more than about every six months. And it might not take me three months to get around to finishing a chapter! Anyway, this story will be worked on again, just as soon as I get around to it. I'm giving up promising updates for a certain number of reviews, cos then I feel really bad when I take so long. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** Characters aren't mine, they're Joss'. Plot idea belongs to Pyro, from a challenge posted at the Chocolate Covered Strawberries site. Yes, the site not the challenge board. This fic was being written before the board existed, scarily enough…

**Authors note:** Yes, it is the evil non-poster actually here! I almost fainted when the fic-bug bit too…but hey, it's an update.

Katie: The fic is set in 2003, a.k.a season 7. Lol, sorta shows how long ago I started it, no?

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CHAPTER 4

"Spike needs a WHAT?" Buffy squeaked. Okay, she so was not going there. Bathing of guy you had slept with, who was now a small child? Icky. Just plain icky, and not something she wanted to think of. Not that he remembered sleeping with her…or she damn well hoped not. Mind was not going to go there at all.

"Can't YOU do it?" she continued pleadingly. Willow didn't have the problem that she had. Or hopefully she hadn't anyway… Although, the icky factor was still there somewhat.

"Nooo," Willow shuddered. "I just couldn't without thinking of big Spike!"

Buffy narrowed a look at her and raised her eyebrows, hoping Willow got the hint and she didn't actually have to state what she meant. Willow's face went bright red as she realised what Buffy was trying to get across.

"Oh, right." She said, "The ewww factor would be a lot worse in your case…I guess I'll have to do it."

It was times like these they wished there was someone around to pass the more…unsavoury… tasks on to. Not that this was one they had ever imagined. Their minds didn't work that way after all, thankfully.

"Say, when's Xander supposed to be coming over?" Buffy mused, an evil glint coming into her eye, "He said he was sending the guys home early and coming, right?"

A matching look came over Willow's face, "Yeah, he did, didn't he?"

The two grinned at each other, silently plotting a way to get them both out of this, "And Xander like little kids, doesn't he?" Willow added evilly.

Buffy walked over to the phone and dialled Xander's cell. "Hey Xand, yeah, you coming soon? Got a favour to ask you. No, no. Nothing dangerous. Just my little cousin's come over. You didn't know I had one? Yeah, well, dad's sister's kid. Yeah, don't know why either. My aunt just dumped him on me for a couple days. Well, I just need to look after him for a few hours, just while we find some stuff to kidify the house. Yes? Thank you, Xand!"

Buffy hung the phone up and turned to Willow, a somewhat sneaky grin on her face, "He just finished and his heading over now. So you and I have an excuse to get out of the house, and leave little mister Spike with Xander for a few hours while we figure out what to do!"

Willow smiled in return, but a little uncertainly, "There's just one prob, Buff. Spike is covered in _blood. _How exactly are we supposed to explain _that _away to Xander?"

Buffy winced. Yes, her friend was most certainly right about that one. She grabbed some paper towel from the holder, "You go get a wash-cloth from the bathroom, I'll start with this. Then Xander can give him a bath and get rid of the sticky without ever knowing what he was covered in!" She was certainly getting good at this sneaky thing. But there was no way she was giving Spike a bath. And Willow didn't want to. But Xander, well as long as no-one told him who the kid was; he'd probably have fun playing with him!

She approached the small child still sitting at the table, a stern glint in her eye "Okay Spike, you're gonna co-operate and let me get some of this blood of before Xander gets here, got it?"

The little terror stuck his tongue out at her and jumped off the chair, tearing upstairs, "Nope! Not 'less you catch me first!" he called back

Buffy yelled in frustration, "Will! He's trying to get away. Will you grab him, please?"

The red-haired witch poked her head out of the bathroom, a face-washer in one hand, "Huh, what was that?" she asked. And then discovered the answer for herself as the minute vamp tore past her, grabbing the face-washer from her grip.

"Nuh _unh_" he said, "Not cleaning me! Not! Not! Not!"

Willow stepped out of the bathroom and began the pursuit of the child, "Spike! Come back here! We just want to make it so you're not all sticky, that's all. It's _good_ for you. You'll feel nice and clean afterwards!"

"Nope, nope!" Spike piped, dodging into Buffy's bedroom, "Don't wanna be clean. Clean is bad. No bath. No clean!"

At that moment, the front door opened, and Xander stepped in.

"Hi guys!" he called, "So, where's the tyke you want me to look after?"

Buffy quickly dragged him out of sight of the chase, "Um, just before you see him, he sorta spilled an entire bottle of ketchup on himself when we were making lunch. SO, the first thing he sorta needs is a bath. That cool? Will and I felt a little…uncomfortable about giving a guy one. Even a cute little guy like him. And he's cute, really. Sweet kid." She knew she was going the Willow-way of babbling, but she just couldn't control herself.

Xander gave her a suspicious look "O…kay. Well, where is he?"

They heard a huge bang from upstairs. "WILL!" Willow's voice shot down from upstairs, a steely edge to it, "STOP THAT. You WILL be cleaned up, got it?"

She appeared at the top of the stairs, a struggling child in her arms, "Got him," she said triumphantly, "Oh, hi Xander. You wanna take care of this for us, pretty please?" She dumped the struggling bundle into his arms, and she and Buffy headed towards the door.

"His name's William!" Buffy called as they tore out of the house after grabbing their bags.

The kid glared after them.

"It is NOT!" He told Xander indignantly, "I'm _Spike_!"

Xander stared at the small, blonde child.

"_What_?"

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Authors note: Okay, well I have an exam in a couple hours, so this is a rushed update. I'm in an updating mood at the moment, but things are still liable to fall off the edge of the earth if I don't feel the amount of people who care about me writing them is really worth it. So please r/r :) 


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** Not mine. Wish they were, but they're not. However, they ARE Joss Whedon's, and of course, Joss is God.

**Author's Note:** Well, I don't think there's really any interest in this left after all this time, but _I_ still like it, so it gets continued. Go the writers-block busting fluff, anyway.

Pt 2: Well, look what I found when I happened to look through my files. This and chapters of other stories that I completed months ago and obviously forgot to post! Well, up we go – if anyone's still here, insert my usual plea for reviews – I feed my ability to write off them! Now… to finish the other 3 chapters of this that are half written…

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**Chapter 5**

Xander stared down at the child in something approaching panic. Okay. Maybe he had imagined what he thought the kid had said. Hey, maybe the girls had just been talking about Spike and the kid had picked that up as a cool nickname to have. It wasn't possible that this was _actually_ Spike, afterall. Although, through considerable experience, he had learned that it was never the best of ideas to say that something wasn't possible. Every time he did, it popped out of the shadows trying to kill him. But, still clinging onto a thread of hope, he crouched down on his heels, so that he could look the kid in the eye.

"Your name isn't _really_ Spike, is it?" he asked, in what he hoped was a gentle manner.

Spike grinned up at the Boy. "Course it is. Well, _technic'ly_ is William. But you call me that and I'll kick you."

Xander raised an eyebrow, "Okay… _not_ Spike as in William the Bloody… the vampire with the chip… and the soul?"

"Yup! That one!" Piped Spike happily, "Cept I'm not the bloody Poof Angel. He got soul too. But no chip."

That approaching panic was now fully upon Xander. He stared, his eyes not unlike those of a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. "I'm supposed to give _Spike_ a _bath_?" He didn't know who exactly he was talking to. God perhaps, in the hope that he would beam down and assure Xander that no, he didn't have to give Spike a bath and that this was all a big mistake.

Xander only knew one thing. He was going to _murder_ the girls when they got back from stocking up on kiddie gear. Or at least give them a good glaring at. One was the Slayer, the other a powerful witch, afterall. Killage would be quite difficult. Sighing, he turned to Spike.

"Can't you bathe yourself?" he asked, almost plaintively.

An angelic smile came over Spike's face, "Course I can!" he beamed, delighted. Fun, fun. Bubbly fun even!

Xander didn't trust the look that had come over Spike's face. It was entirely too innocent looking. In fact, _Spike _was entirely too innocent looking. It was disconcerting. And made it awfully hard to remember that this small child was the vampire that had been one of the banes of their existence for a while.

"Umm…actually, scratch that idea," he said hurriedly, relying on his instinct when it told him that maybe leaving a four-year-old alone in a bathroom with water and bubbles was possibly not the greatest idea.

Spike pouted. "Awww," he grumbled, "Was gonna have fun. Boy, you're no fun! Least Red and Slayer chase. You _boring_." With this, a mischievous glint jumped into his eyes, and before Xander knew what was going on, a small whirlwind rushed past him in the direction of the staircase.

Xander let out a frustrated howl and tore after him. Alright, that kid was getting a bath, whether he damn well wanted one or not! The girls would be mighty annoyed if they got back and found the kid they had left him in charge of was still all covered in ketchup, when they'd asked him to bathe him.

He narrowed his eyes as something occurred to him, "Uh, Spike… that red stuff all over you is ketchup, and not blood… right?" he called to the child, who was peeping out at him from Dawn's bedroom.

"Nope… is blood!" the tyke chortled cheerily. This was fun! And the Boy was entirely more fun to torment than the slayer and the witch. And as a human, the Boy didn't have any special powers and such to use against him!

Using the momentary distraction of his question, Xander swooped down on the child and grabbed him around the waist. Heaving him up over his shoulder, he marched in the direction of the bathroom, ignoring the annoyed squeals and pounding of small fists and feet upon his body. Safely inside, he locked the door and placed his small charge firmly on the ground while he fetched bubble-bath and ran the warm water.

"All right, bucko," Xander said authoritatively, "Into the tub." He turned around, just in time to see Spike making a rather skilled attempt at busting the lock on the bathroom door. Considering the knob was a good foot above his head, this was no mean feat. Xander stared. Evidently, from the way he was wrenching at the knob, the little tacker still had his vampire strength. The knob looked like it was well on its way to breaking off.

"Oh no you don't," Xander said, grabbing the mini-vamp under the arms and plonking him unceremoniously into the warm water, without realising that he had missed a rather important aspect of bath-taking. Remove clothes. "Ooops," he muttered.

The shocked Spike just sat there. Being dumped into a bath of warm water, fully clothed, was not something that tended to happen to vamps. They were scary and strong and natural hunters. They weren't meant to be subjected to indignities like this. So he reacted in the only way that any self-respecting child could when met with such a situation. He burst into tears.

"Noooo, mini-Spike, no crying!" Xander said, panic in his voice, "There's a good kid-vampire-thing, it's not that bad! It's just, ummm.. like jumping in a really, really big puddle and getting soaked. Soaked clothes are _good_."

"I like puddles…" Spike said, thoughtfully, his head tilting to one side, his tears suddenly abated.

"Atta boy!" Xander said in relief, "Yeah.. it's just like being in a giant puddle. With bubbles… that's warm. God, I'd better get you bathed properly or Buffy and Willow are going to murder me."

"Oooh, Red and Slayer kill?" Spike asked, sounding rather excited by the idea, "Lets no have bath. Death more fun!"

"No, death really _not_ more fun!" Xander retorted, bending over the bath and trying to pull the tot's shirt off over his head. Undressing small children was obviously harder than it looked. Especially when said small child did not particularly want to be separated from said shirt. "Come _on_ Spike. You're sticky and covered in blood. We need to get it off. Behave!"

With a final heave, the shirt came free, and Xander almost went flying across the bathroom with the momentum it had come loose with. Now.. for the pants. Hoping this worked, he wrapped an arm around the child's waist and lifted him bodily out of the tub, using the other arm to pull the soaked trousers free, before setting Spike gently back into the tub, now dressed only in his underwear. There was no way, no how he was getting them off the kid. This was still Spike, afterall. And… yuck… was about the correct sentiment to seeing Spike naked.

Which was no doubt why _he'd_ been saddled with this particular duty in the first place. If the two who had left him here without warning of who the kid were weren't the Slayer and an awfully powerful witch, he'd have opened a can off whoop-ass when they got bad. As it was, instead he would just have to open a can of mild annoyance and be content with that.

"Xaaaaaander, we're baaack!"

Ah. The wonders of timing.


End file.
